Impossible is nothing

I still don’t know what I see in him & I suppose maybe I never will. There’s just something very real about our relationship. Sometimes, I wonder where this whole thing is taking us. But maybe I should just let fate take its course, maybe this was all meant to be.

It’s funny how when we first started talking to each other, I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with him. I found myself thinking about him a lot more than I should have. I suppose everybody could see the bond that was growing between us, except of course, us.

Then, it just happened. We happened. Every little piece of this puzzle came together & it felt amazing. For once in my life, I was genuinely happy. I wonder how on earth I’d been lucky enough to find him.

Sometimes, I’d look at his smiling face & get struck by the thought that this was the boy with whom I wouldn’t mind facing the future. He completed me in a way I never thought possible. I love him; it’s as simple as that.

Lilies and white roses. Well I’m still not sure about the lilies but I think it’s lilies. Mhmm if only your I could be anything you want and just tell me what you want me to be is still valid. All I want is for you to be mine if not happy. Your already happy so as hard as it is. I’ll try to forget you and not talk to you cause you are my only distraction.

Though you hurt me so much. I will always have open arms for you to come back and hug me. I know I’m showing that I don’t care and don’t reply your messages and pretend that I’m okay. But all of it isn’t true. I want you back. I want the good mornings, the good nights, the I love you’s, the conversations we have, I just want you because I’m not over you.

I must try to get you off my mind but everyday I browse through your tumblr and look at every twitter post of yours and the pictures on Facebook. Even if it hurts to know that there might be a someone else in your life. Another he,you, his, all those words that use to be me when we were together. I know someday I’m gonna fell really broken when I see someone actually getting with you but I still want to know what your up to. I see that you also haven’t post anything or wrote an opinion on your tumblr and also you don’t post any long essays like last time. I guess you have changed.

Know that I will always love you. To infinity and beyond….

Tomorrow will be 8th of march. I never ever look forward to this day. It just brings back more and more memories and the day just makes me miss him more. Please please go easy on me tomorrow. Bright day for a futsal match would be just wonderful. Something to take my minds of things for a while.

“Too hooked up with her new school that she forgot everything you did for her”. A friends perspective on the situation. I god damn agree with it!

I don’t want to care so much anymore. Why put my self in this situation. Always thinking about what could have been. It’s already been done, they won’t be a happy ending.

It’s so hard to talk to you sometimes. I just miss the way we talked and loved each other. Now it’s just all god damn pretending. Not telling how we really feel because we don’t want to seem weak. Well I guess there is no more we. It’s just me.

Sometimes I rather just not talk to you cause I don’t want the feelings that I try so hard to push away to come back. I don’t want to feel hurt. I had enough of false promises and lies and I’ll never leave you bullshit.

I remember you told me you would never leave me. You won’t be the person to do what so many people have in the past no matter what. Well I guess that is all just words.

I wake up sometimes feeling that same happiness I had a month ago. Then I realize that your not mine to keep… Maybe I risked to much, trusted too much.

Walls will keep me safe.

I love you, your beautiful, good morning, good night, Sweetdreams, manja, baby and so many other words just don’t seem to have the same effect anymore. I use to have a feeling I cant describe when I used those words.

Every night and every morning I sleep thinking about you and I wake up thinking about you. I’ll admit I still do even if your not mine anymore.

I always couldn’t wait to tell you what happen during my day and now all I do is social networking hoping someone would listen to me like the way you did. The way you put up with my boring stories, laughed at my lame jokes, manja me when I just wanted it even if I was okay. I guess I took that all for granted thinking you would always be there.

Then snap! You werent there anymore. Everytime I think about all the what if’s. Hopin I could reverse time and not feel this way anymore. Cause it hurts a motherfucking a lot.

You probably will never see this. You told me tumblr was a place where people listen. So I want people to listen to my story. My heartbreak.

My only advice is don’t get too attached to something that isn’t rightfully yours and don’t think people are always going to be there for you. Build your walls and hold them because that’s the only way you won’t get hurt. Even if you know that person is the one for you. Take you time and discover who they really are before putting everything on the line.

I still love her and I guess I always will but I have to move on cause she did and holding on to hope isn’t gonna get you anywhere.

I always here people going I broke up with her for all the wrong reasons and god knows what else. Well you wanna know what’s breaking up for all the damn wrong reasons.

She ended it but she still loves me. Now I’m speechless. I always thought so highly about her but really I didn’t know she was gonna give up on me. I do believe getting together at the right time but when is the right time?! They will never be a right time. Sometimes we just have to take a leap. Why not?

I still respect her in so many ways. I still love her. Always will. Even when we both were in tears on the damn phone I made sure we had a few laughs and talk some nonsense about mermaids before I ended the call. I can’t hate her. Even though she really did hurt me I will not hate her and my love for her will not fade. I’ll just lock up my feelings put it aside till the time is right. Still don’t know when that will be.

I still beat myself up for causing all the small fights. I really do. Now everyday I look at this boy that made me cause a small fight I feel like going up to him and sock him in the head till I get satisfied.

Songs aren’t helping at all. Every song I hear somehow makes me think about her. The sad songs just make me miss her so much.

Now I’m gonna build that wall she tore down so easily. This time it’s gotta be fullproof and only she can’t tear it down. If she comes back if faith is on our side and everything just falls into place I will love her more and hold her tightly and never let her go.

I don’t expect anyone to understand I just wanted to let go my feelings. Ego is gonna surround me and I never want to get this hurt again.

Mermaids. Haha. She is so confident that she is a mermaid. It’s god damn cute. I love her.